I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
The only downside to doctor sex is that getting choked with a stethoscope leaves marks.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Randomize
