I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
