if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
gave him road head on the way to his grandparents house. purposely didn't let him finish, the sexual tension over turkey was indescribable.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.