Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
These 23 People Had The Most Insane Spring Breaks Ever
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
25 Women On How They Let Their Oblivious Partners Know They Want To Bone
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty