You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
whjeg hajt iyt
wanna hang out?
I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
21 People Tragically Stumbled Upon A Dead Body
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday