apparently the secret to your success is patron
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
DUDE EDDIE MURPHY JUST DID A BODY SHOT OFF A HOOKER. IM NEVER COMING HOME
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already