You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize