my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
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