Have you finally orgasmed yet?
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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