May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
i am craving dick and cupcakes
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
Randomize
