he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
She threw up everywhere and is crying about a fictional character who died on Grey's Anatomy
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
