Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
Randomize
