also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
