I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
my vag is so smooth its legendary
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
Randomize
