She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
Randomize