Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Duck Duck Cougar?
is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
