I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
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Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
Randomize