I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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