Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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