Whatcha textin bout Willis?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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