I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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