it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
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