eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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