So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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