she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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