My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
Randomize
