I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
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He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
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