stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
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