why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
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