If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
