I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Are my feet made of real feet?
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
