You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Randomize
