Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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