Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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