planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize