How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
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