yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
You've seen the quality of dick pics I normally get. The bar is high.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
Randomize
