Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Randomize
