The sex toys I ordered are being shipped to my billing address instead of shipping address. Take a guess where they're on their way to right now - my parents' house. And the package has to be signed for so there's no way around it. Fuck.
I had total buyers remorse when i finally got him naked. All that effort for a dude that hairy? Come on.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
