No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
