plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
it would be so handy to have a fax machine attached to my body
I wish I could understand how you function in society
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
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