My nipple is on Facebook.
I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Randomize
