p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize