Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
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