You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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