there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
