We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
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