hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
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