2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Randomize
