That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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