No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
i repeatedly had to ask him if he was into this because he kept talking about random things while i jerked him off. i got annoyed and in order to annoy him back, i told him i wanted to watch him do it. he also talked about basketball WHILE cumming. NEVER AGAIN.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
