The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
