We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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