great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Too much gin, very little bucket
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair