I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
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This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
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i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.