when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.