there were more penises there than on chat roulette
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?