All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
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this must be what syphilis tastes like
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
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I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities