2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?