Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
