The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
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