My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
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