Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
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I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
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He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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