Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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