JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
