my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
Life's hard when you can't differentiate between retrograde and PMS
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
