ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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